Apparently this day is designated to “encourage everyone to face the day positively and to get up ‘gloriously, gratefully, and gleefully’ each morning.”

Yeah… no.

I can face a day positively. I can maybe manage grateful. The odds of this are better if you approach me after 10 a.m.

But glorious? I don’t imagine anyone who has ever met me in my entire life would ascribe that adjective to any aspect of my being. And gleeful—well, with a side of malice, maybe.

I think this is genetic. My mom is the same way. You just don’t talk to her before 9 and you don’t really expect answers until noon. And my son? He has endangered his grades by sleeping through more than one 8:30 a.m. class despite repeated phone calls, loud alarms, and very grumpy responses to having his sleep interrupted.

I have friends who do seem capable of this—they think getting up at sunrise is sleeping late, and they are almost obnoxiously cheerful about things like coffee and dew on the grass. By the same token, you do not text them after 8 p.m. and expect an answer.

I’m not sure why it’s better to be a morning glory than a night owl. I sniff prejudice!

For this day to really take off, then, I think they need to retool the description. Here’s my counteroffer: “encourage everyone to face the afternoon positively and to go to lunch ‘cheerfully, gratefully, and sociably’ whenever lunch might be on the schedule.” Whaddaya think?